Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
