at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
