Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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