I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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