I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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