My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
