Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
