ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He passed out mid-signature
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
