yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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