She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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