why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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