Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
