just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Randomize
