i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
