we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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