maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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