I just cut my nipple shaving
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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