Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
