Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
