(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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