shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i don't like sucking hair
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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