just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
