The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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