I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
