i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
