I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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