You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
