I feel great
I just peed on a car
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
