You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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