The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
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its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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