Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
