Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Hippo gnu deer
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
