I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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