mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
