I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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