Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
