a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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