Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We just shotgunned beers for America
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
