We should be called the Road Head Warriors
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
