My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
