I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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