If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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