woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize