If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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