Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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