I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
