I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i jhust puked up my retainher.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
