Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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