Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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