those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
