my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
