apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
did you just send me my own nude
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
