Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
