i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
