i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
