Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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