i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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