you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I want a musical about memes.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
