Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
