somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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