did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
