Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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