i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Randomize
