Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
