How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
